but apparently I prefer silver.

So much to say, so little guts to say it all.  (Not much like me at all...  but I do normally feel the need to protect my own, so my gut is torn between respect and honesty and the emotions that fly inbetween.)

Frankly its been a month of serious ups and downs... have had some great times and a few really shitty low times.  But, hell...  so is life.  Im not here to bitch or complain (at least not today, wink), and I am surely not here to claim I have some answers. 

It is really is true..., the older one gets the less one knows. 

In fact, I do not have any answers...  but I have many questions, most of them that only time will answer. 




I do know a few things, they are not answers, but realities.

I love both my children more than anything in the world, they are amazing people and they both have brought me immeasurable pride and joy. 

Independence is a scary for a short time, but dependence is scary for a lifetime.

No one controls your destiny but yourself.  

No one but yourself is responsible for your love, successes and happiness.

No one but yourself controls your hatred, your anger or failures.




Just as I know, I do not make my choices lightly, I also know you may never understand the choices I have made. 

You may choose to think they were to punish you, or because I didnt care, but the fact is, if I didnt care, I wouldnt have bothered putting either of us through any of this. 





Some baby birds spread their wings and fly away from the nest without looking back, some hesitate, stay around with open mouths until the mother bird pushes them out.  She doesnt love one more than the other, she just does as nature intends.  She does what she can to prepare them, and then when she knows they are ready she prompts them to fly.  Pushing them to fall or fly on their own, knowing that eventually the one that does not fly at the beginning will have faith in himself eventually.  She will watch as they both soar away on their own.  She will mourn the loss and celebrate the victory. 

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